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October 28, 2020

Vicious Pattern

3 min read

Well, it’s 5:00AM Wednesday morning, and I am once again wide awake after another rather long conversation w/ consiglieri.  So I start to read everyone’s blogs and…

I’ve come to realize the usefulness of these Flooble Chatterboxes that more and more people seem to be putting on their xanga sites… it’s because in order to leave a comment on someone’s blog, you’ve gotta be a xanga member.  Problem.

Solution.  Install a chatterbox, no everyone in the whole wide world can tell me that I’m a loser.

Back to the hours long conversation w/ consiglieri.  The subject of it was once again, the females.  And of course, whenever the topic of females comes along, the name Bambi becomes an inevitable component of the convo.  Argh.

The following is a rough transcript of the pertinent portion of the conversation.  Keep in mind, it is 5AM and at this point I possess the mental capacity of canned broccoli.
Consiglieri:You need closure.
RoninX74: No I don’t.
C: You still think about her, you need closure.
R: Well it’s not like I sit and think about her in class.
C: You’re thinking about her right now.
R: No I… well, aww man.. that reminds me… damn.
C: What?
R: This one time, I was driving home from the mountains, and as I looked out the window, I thought, “Man… I really miss her right now.” So…
C: So?
R: So when I got home, I emailed her (I didn’t know her number at the time) and I told her the whole thing about the mountain, and I said, “I really miss you.”
C: Wow… I can’t imagine you saying something like that.

Yeah me neither… which leads me to the theory that at the time, I was temporarily possessed by… ah, who am I kidding.  Even I find it hard to believe that only a couple years ago that was me.  It’s such a hard contrast from the present me… who people sometimes think of as indifferent.

Believe me… I’m not.  Sometimes, it’s just easier to play make believe.

So Consiglieri asks me why I don’t try and contact her and close things up… and I tell him something like, “It’s still dangerous… it’s like walking into a fireworks factory with a blowtorch.”

Boom… and the walls came tumbling down.

You know, once after our falling out, she wrote a long letter to me saying, “sometimes, I wish we had never met.” Sad to say, I’ve often felt that way too.

Okay… I need to find the elevator outta this basement. 

1st Floor: Anime and Stuff
I’m watching Anime for the first time in forever, two years to be exact… back when I was watching Rorouni Kenshin. Thanks Billy for supplying the goods.  I’m in the middle of a series called Ayashi no Ceres.  It’s rather trippy, but I’d totally recommend it… unless you’re like 12 or something… well, it’s not as trippy as say, the End of Evangaleon movies or Perfect Blue or something… which were just like, What the F**k? But trippy nonetheless.

Today we had a PUSO afterevent at Irvine Lanes… yay bowling.  Unfortunately, I really suck at it.  I don’t think I ever broke 100.  So I decided to chill while everyone else played.  It was good to see everyone out, esp the new faces and alumni.  This year its time for X-Factor Zotbowl Redemption!

Just rediscovered this site: www.kabalarians.com
Click on the free brief name analysis.  It’s kinda scurry.  It seems to be right on most of the time, Which maybe just be an example of the brain altering it’s reality to fit expectation… but whatever.

Can’t wait to get these Tahoe pics developed.

Ok… I think Mr. Sandman’s finally here to smack me to the second star to the right, and straight on ’til morning.

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