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October 25, 2020

Jack of All Tirades

2 min read

I’m sitting alone in my room again… it’s 4:12AM.  I’m up because,
once again, I let a book keep me up later than can be considered
healthy.  That’s the second time this week.  Damn you
Murakami…

As I set the book down, I came to a realization: There’s nothing I’m
especially talented at.  I’m good at some stuff, but not what I
would call talented.  I say this because there’s a difference
between the two.  Good is more of something you can work on.
You can practice the piano for hours a day, every day, for 30 years and
you’ll be good, but that doesn’t mean you’re talented.  It just
means you’re good because you practice alot.  Talent however…
talent’s inborn.  Talent exists regardless of practice.  I
believe that level of talent can ultimately determine how good you
could possibly get at something.

That’s what scares me.  I’ve been alive for what, 24 years?
You’d think I would’ve already found something I have a real gift
for.  Nah.  Instead, I sit here, failing in an attempt to
battle my own mediocrity.  I feel like I know so many people that
have already found their gift.  Exempli gratia, “____’s and
amazing musician,” “Oh, I know _____, he/she’s a great writer,” “Have
you seen ______’s paintings? Insane.” Yup.

As you can see, I’m a bit unconfident when it comes to my skills… at
least anything right-brainy.  I guess that’s why I dig
compliments, even though my infnite neurosis makes me think they’re all
lies.  Best compliment I’ve received in a while: (on my guitar
playing)
“How do you do that?”
“Do what?”
“Make is sound like you’re not playing guitar.”
Even then, I think I said something like, I’ve got a great guitar… which I do.

This leads me to question the path my future will take… where will my talent lie? Will I find it?

Maybe this bothers because I have this deep-seated need to be something more than ordinary.

Also.. I like to end my sentences in prepositions.

Also… i have more to say… but i’m sure you’re already tired of my
rambling, and it’s now 5:30am.  I will finish…later.

EDIT: Yeah, I think I’m gonna attribute this entry to being up way to flippin’ late.

 

7 thoughts on “Jack of All Tirades

  1. You’ve got to be better than this Earl. I never mistake movement for action; therefore, when they move I don’t follow. I move to the source and the source is what’s good, so that makes me good. You dig?

  2. haha, that was lisa’s quote huh? “how do you make it sound like you’re not playing the guitar?” oh lisa.. earl, you are amazingly talented at the art of gangstah shadow puppetry! that’s gotta count for something. are you crippin’?

  3. A lot of people can play guitar.  But not everyone can.

    A lot of people can sing.  But not everyone can.

    A lot of people can act.  But not everyone can.

    A lot of people can write well.  But not everyone can.

    A lot of people can call themselves intelligent and mean it.  But not everyone can.

    A lot of people can be considered good friends.  But not everyone can.

    You can do all these things.

    So maybe you’re not talented.

    What you are is gifted, my friend.

  4. my sweet url… although i’m about to disclaim what i’m about to say… you have one of the sweetiest voices i’ve ever heard in my life. and i don’t mean that in the oh you’re so cute kind of way… i mean it like when you see something incredibly awesome and you say that is SWEET!!!!!

    and besides – they’re right. you don’t need to be anything more than what you are. and i think we all happen to love you just the way you are. you’re a sweetheart that we all want to be around. and although i can totally relate to what you’re saying, no worries. feel comforted that your friends love you just the way you are. truly. it’s all good.

  5. youre talented at being MY GREATEST DEFENDERRRR in the ENTIRE UNIVERSE!!! u get that??!!! UNIVERSE EARL! thas how great u are! U r the only one on this earth n black holes, galaxies, aliens, and unknowing matter and life forms that is MY defender….i am so thankful that our paths have crossed…..thank you for being a great friend…esp to go guitar shopping with =)   i miss u man…take care n God Bless

  6. i have a domain now. but i screwed up trying to configure greymatter, for both my hosted subdomain and my regular website. do you know how to fix it? i’m pretty sure it’s got to do with the local paths. i don’t even know what they’re supposed to be, but i have powweb hosting fo the regular site. this sucks dude. it’s keeping me up again.

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