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October 31, 2020

Acapella, Getting Older, and Heaping Teaspoon of Loneliness

5 min read

Music: Stephen Speaks – Passenger Seat
Schmood: Sired

Hmmm… let’s see.  Last Friday was Echo Point’s first time ever recording. Let me tell you… it wasn’t anything I expected.  Imagine spending almost 5 hours in a small 8×8 room w/ no windows or air conditioning.  Oh… did I mention there are 4 or 5 other people in the room with you and the whole time we’re singing.  Man… talking about working on someone’s nerves! I’ve never messed up so much while singing… sorry guys!!  It was cool though!  It was a great experience… it’s weird hearing yourself on a CD though… and geez… why the hell do I sound so weird!?!?  I dunno… I guess I’m really critical of how I sound… that and I guess I’m not used to it.  I really can’t stand hearing myself sing on tape… yeck… But I still love singing with Echo POint!!  Yay!

So the next day I had to take care of End of the year Banquet stuff… I needed the freakin senior song list dammit… oh well.  So… later that night I went to the UV retreat.  I wish I had been a little less tired when I went cuz I really don’t remember too much. It made me quite sad when I realized how many people were graduating… quite a few tears were shed though… but not by me.  I feel bad that I wasn’t in the moment. And good lord it was hot in there… there was something wrong w/ the AC or something cuz it felt like it was 90 degrees in that byatch.  I dunno… but I find it kinda hard to fall asleep when i’m sweating like crazy. You know I was thinking about it… and that past UV concert was my 11th. Wow…I’m old. Anyway… I’m gonna miss you seniors!! It’s weird though… when we woke up in the morning, we played the touch game… and it didn’t hit me as much as it has before… I really think it’s partially my fault. I dunno.  I think there have been times where I haven’t been giving as much time and heart to UV as I used to.  My heart just isn’t involved at the same level as before.  And I could trace that to several factors…school, PUSO, or I’m just getting old.  I think it’s some combination of the three… anyway… I think I may be a little more UV-ized since my roommate is on board next year… It’ll be cool.

Well, the next day, PUSO board 2001-2002 had it’s last meeting as a board.  It’s not really a meeting… more like a mini-retreat, a night full of presentations and affirmations. It was kinda cool… but depressing at the same time.  I mean… there’s so many people graduating… people I’ve known since the beginning.  I mean… there’s a certain level of comfort that you get when you know that someone is there if you’ll ever need them.  Not that you call them all the time, or rely on them for everything…but you know that if you ever really needed something you could call them up and they’d be willing to help out.  And I know smokey says that even though he will be around still next year, and so will other people, things are gonna be different.  I just hope that I’ll be able to deal with it… damn me and my attachment. It just scares me and makes me kinda sad that I won’t ever see those people walking with me to class anymore. And I mean… it’s not just PUSO board… there’s so many people… I’m 21 and I feel like I’m 80. I hope my co-coords liked their gifts though… geez… I think I spent too much time on that stuff… of course I got stuff for myself too… but U know.  I wish I could have finished that poem in time, but there just isn’t enough time in the day… if only there were 35 hours in a day or something.  Well, I am amazed though that I kept myself from sobbing and turning into a blubbering mess… I think I’ve been doing that too often lately…

Which brings me to the fact that Sad movies actually make me sad these days.  Like AI… man that movie was crazy.  Had me all choked up and ish.  Eh… I’m getting really really soft.

Soo… PUSO End of the Year Banquet.  That was madness.  It kinda reminded me of the medical mission gala in that I was running around all over the place and I didn’t even get to eat boo!!  And I was a bit disappointed with my performance with Balbasaur… and I feel like alot of it was my fault… Geez Earl… practice dammit.  Sorry! I promise next year we’re gonna do something that’ll rock.  And thanks again to Echo Point for performing… you all are amazing… do I even really have to say it?  I also wish I had time to finish the senior CDs… if only they had given me the complete song list sooner… I could have finished it!  But that’s ok… they’ll just have to get the CD’s later.  Boo on them.. haha.
All in all it was a great night though… really hectic… and I felt that inauguration was a bit rushed, but it was still cool.  It was really good to see all the Alumni come out… we had a grip of heads there… soemthing like 80 people… that’s alot of people coming out to an event.
After the banquet, I got to chill with some of the Alum at Cha… it’s good seeing them.  THey’re freakin hilarious… even though it seems like the butt of alot of their jokes is smokey.  heh heh. I sure hope TOmmy Pikklz likes his new Pillow…aah!!

So back to academic life… and we study pretty much the rest of the next day.  So me and smokey are walking back to his car and somehow Fiona comes into the conversation.
And he says… I’m going through widthdrawl… she hasn’t called today.  And I reply… You’re a whore.  She got you by the nuts.  And he says… like I say, I’m bored… It’s just nice to have someone there.  I’d usually have retort, but this time, I know he’s right.  It is nice just to have someone there sometimes.  And I think to myself… poor Smokey… what is she doing to you?  I’ve never heard him sound so sad before.  Sigh…

So it get’s me thinking as I drive back to my apartment… I didn’t even remember to turn on my radio… and I’m like… yeah, you’re right smokey.  And I miss it too… having someone there to… yeah.  Sigh… forget about it.  Where are you? Damn this human condition.

I may need a rescue harness here soon.

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