May 20, 2024

Life is Sad

6 min read

Music: John Mayer – 83

Schmood: Remistalgic



So I’m looking for a job right… and in all actuality, I’m not looking for a job that is in any way related to my field of study.  I dunno.  I guess I have this preconception in my head that everything that has to do with bio involves test tubes, centrifuges, and micropipettes.  Even though I have a couple more of them micropipetting classes left to go… I’m really not looking forward to them… so why would I get a job that has anything to with that stuff?  Dunno… maybe cuz it may be what I end up doing if the whole pre-health path doesn’t work out for me.  Ahhh… I seriously think these days that my only possible route to medical school is to go out of the country… preferably to the Philippines.  *sigh*… again, *sigh*


Well, the type of job I’m looking for is one that I can pay the majority of rent w/ and is computer related.  There’s gotta be jobs our there for a 21 year old bio major in the IT industry right?  In an ideal world… yes.  In the real world… you might as well be looking for a shaved Rhesus monkey with the words, “Bananas are my Bane” on its pale ass, with an aversion for Oxygen.


Well, anyway… the week culminated in SPOP training weekend.  Great weekend… I’m really, really freakin tired… but I think it was all worth it.  U know, not coming in through SPOP, I feel like I missed out on a lot, especially how when I was in the dorms, all my dorm friends would say things like, “yeah SPOP was hella dope,” “Hey, yeah she was my staffer”, “OK, I can play the stick game!”  Sure it’s not quite the same experience as actually being one of the spoppers, but I can see that it is a great program and I truly feel privileged to be a part of it as a staffer.


My mom called me this morning and told me her mother, my Lola, in the Philippines had passed.  And yes… I was quite sad… then I was pissed, because if only we had the money to do so, my mom could’ve been back to see my Lola before she passed.  It pissed me off how sometimes things can really suck when you live paycheck to paycheck.  It pissed me of even more when I thought about how people take things for granted… ack… I’ll just stop before I say something stupid. 


Ok… So the preceding was from some previous night where I fell asleep writing my blog.  Zoom ahead half a week to the present, Friday, July 5th….


And awaaay we go.


It’s 4:24 AM…I can’t sleep.  Maybe I shouldn’t have had all that Mountain Dew: Code Red, maybe I shouldn’t have watched “The Others.”  Now… here I lie in the middle of the night on my living room floor, listening to my acoustic playlist, typing on my laptop because I can’t sleep.  Maybe it’s because I’m excited.  In just a few hours, I’m headed up to the Bay Area for a little gathering.  Heh.  Maybe I’ve got a malfunctioning supra-chiasmatic nucleus.  I thought about a whole lot today though, various subjects… half of which I seem to be unable to remember right now… dammit.


So this past weekend was the transitional retreat for PUSO Board.  And honestly, I was a bit lost.  I sooo don’t feel like a Director yet.  I was talking to one of the old directors, whom I shall call Hercules.  He said, “Yeah I didn’t even feel like Director till my transitional retreat at the end of my year. It all comes together then.”  I sure hope it comes together sometime.  Maybe I’m worrying too much.  I dunno… I just feel like I’d be letting down a lot of people if things went wrong.  Arrgh.  Here’s to a good PUSO Year.  I’m excited though… I’m sure this year’s board with rock.

I am extremely sad though, that that retreat was the last thing I’d ever do w/ old board.  *sniff*.  Geez… last retreat  I hear Hermione on the piano, last time I sing karaoke w/ bulbasaur, last time I occupy the snoring room w/ smokey.  *sigh*  And there’s a part of me that feels robbed, because I was worried about so many other things than spending time with these people that made such an impact in this past year of mi vida loca.  You know, they always said that a year would pass sooo fast.  And I believed them, I just wasn’t prepared for it.  And even though I have this sadness that weighs down my heart, my mind feels like it hasn’t had the time to catch up.  Because I still feel like I’m gonna have board meetings with this people and program w/ these people, wake up at insane times to set up w/ these people, or stay up til insane times bonding with these people.  I don’t feel it yet… but back in this noggin of mine, I know that it’s done… and it’s time to move on.  Damn it all.


I looked outside my window the other night and I saw Nina’s balcony, or what used to be her balcony, and I realized that… nope she’s not there anymore.  *sigh*


I hope something picks me up soon.


You know, ever since the BrownOne has been having his opposite sex controversy, I’ve been kind re-evaluating this whole trend I seem to be following.  I’m gonna have to start talking to someone sometime.  It’s been a real long time since I’ve had a conversation with a girl who where I seriously thought of the relationship possibilities…not assuming that it used to be common occurrence.  These past couple of years, I’ve viewed that as a good thing, but lately, I think maybe the opposite has been creeping back into my mind. *sigh*… you know, I do that a whole lot, *sigh*, there goes again.  I know I say this a lot, and more often than not, half-joking, but maybe I should really call Bambi.  Dammit…. So much runs through my head when I think of her… It really shouldn’t be this way…. Gaahh!


Hmm… the other day, I was let in on some of the juiciest chismis (gossip) of my college career.  It’s really interesting stuff u know, it really is true that fact can be so much stranger than fiction.  Little do they know how much I really know… What am I talking about?  I know nothing.


It was the 4th of July yesterday.  I wish I had been at Smokey & Tommy Pikklz’s place, but there I was in Carson, at a grocery store and watching DVDs.  Eh… it wasn’t too bad.  On the way home from the grocery, I came to a realization.  I miss L.A. County.  Even though my other home in Irvine is cleaner, prolly safer, quieter, and all that… it REALLY lacks character.  I mean, after all, how much character can a bubble have?  Here in Carson, good food is less than 5 minutes away… and I don’t even have to drive anywhere to get a fireworks show on the 4th  All I gotta do is sit in a chair on my driveway and look up. 


U know what… I type a whole lot.  And I’m kinda getting sleepy now.  Maybe it’s really time for me to close this laptop shut and put my head down on this pillow.  Yeah maybe it’s time.




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