Ventidius’ Vomitorium

Holy shit I think I’ve hit it.  I’ve hit the maximum allowable time before going crazy nuts at home-home wall.

You know how I know? After the Projekt Newspeak meeting today, I drove home.  And as soon as I got within eyeshot of home-home, I look a good look at it and said to myself, “I *really* don’t wanna be there right now.”  So I drove off and sat it my car for an hour.  It was good, quiet reflection time.  I miss that.

In non-related news. Room to Improv, you RAWK!  You rock hard enough to warrant intentional misspelling.  Thanks to everyone who came to watch our 1st show of the season and to everyone who came to watch our set at FPAC.  Compounded kudos to you who came to both!!  You too, RAWK. Turok. You are being mentioned in this note.

I was really quite happy about the turnout at both shows.  It’s always an amazing feeling when you look out into the crowd and see only a few empty seats.  This goes especially for the FPAC crowd, because it always seems like energy dissipates rather quickly in outdoor/festival venues, making it really difficult to gather/retain a crowd.  Apparently, though, we were doing something right at FPAC cuz those muhfukkin benches were filled!

I think too that we put on two rather good shows.  The way we’re started to gel guys, it’s magical.  And while I internally berate myself for a so-so personal showing at the TWo Roads show, as a whole we were not too shabby. Gosh, just thinking about you all makes me want to stay up all night and write/play music.

That makes me think…

You know how else I know I’ve hit maximum allowable time before going crazy nuts at home-home?  I’ve had the urge to smoke.  Needing/wanting to smoke has kind of become my indicator of personal contentment/happiness. So, when I feel the urge to smoke I know that deep down inside something has gotten to me…bad.  I know it’s could possibly be my precarious finanacial situation, but I’ve grown used to dealing with that.  So I’ve got to point to the fact that I’m stuck here at home-home.

Well, I suppose there is something else.

Cuz holy shit… I for the most part am good at internalizing emotions.  If anything, they’ll eventually come out in song or be belayed through improv.  But once in a while I just need to say something.  Because I need to know… because I think I’ve sat on this one two years too long and sometimes I let it tear me up inside.  And everyone says tells me it’s unwise… it’s too out of the blue… and the rational part of me has to agree.  So I sit here inactive as my mind draws and quarters itself with the pros and cons.

I don’t wanna have to write another song about you.

In semi-related news: fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.

Just had to get that out of the way. Thought this entry could use some color, besides.

Re-reading this just made me think that I am quite possibly the least funny man on the planet.