25 years old and not a hope in sight

Today is my Sunday.

Tomorrow, I go back to the lab… and I start working again, secretly
(well, overtly)  yearning for the day when I no longer have to be
there.

Um.

So, CnC was a little different on monday.  We had a visitor chat
with us for a while.  Some random mattress salesman that is
apparently at starbucks every day… interesting guy.  Interesting.

Also, I don’t think I’ve ever felt as hopeless after a CnC as I did on monday.

I know this may sound really stupid, and it may not be what you want to
hear right now, but things will be better for us soon.  I guess
it’s just my nature to hope.. beyond hope, beyond reason.

Anyway.  I’m gonna be Akuma for Halloween this year.
Complete with the bulging muscles.  Just you wait.  I’d
already have the necklace but Rhian Edward Deguzman broke it…hahaha.

So, I was listening from a couple of the tracks from PCN last year and
it made me feel both very nostalgic and very sad.  Reason being,
it was what I loved doing and now I’m not doing that anymore.  In
the midst of PCN season, it didn’t matter that I was destitute, that I
was eating nothing but ramen, that my car was falling apart around
me.  Well, it mattered… but it didn’t matter as much as the fact
that I was playing a part in creating something like Awit ng
Puso.  And it’s maybe a bit ironic now that I consider the story
that Kris and I wrote.  A fledgling twenty-something musician,
torn between doing what he feels he’s supposed to do, and pursuing his
dream… comes to realize that making his dream come true may be tough,
but as long as his family and friends are there to support him, he’ll
be alright.

And here I sit, counting the hours before I have to go back to work,
when all I really want to do is create again.  All I really want
is that stage…

Yeah, my story and everyone else’s… i know.

So, as I lay there thinking, another thought popped into my mind(as
they frequently do) and it said to me.  Why don’t you?  Why
don’t you pursue your acting?  One of your acting teachers called
you, “the natural.”

Shite, last time you improv’ed(sp?), the facilitator asked if you were
a drama major.  And you didn’t know what to say cuz  you were
taken aback by the question cuz all you had running through your head
was, “Why wasn’t I.” And Allan had to answer for you and say, “No, he
was a drama minor.” And the guy said, something like “You have this
natural ability. Eff the degree, nobody in this business cares about it
anyway.  Go on auditions…now.”

Arggghhhh!  That was my electronic scream… Wish I could scream
for reals… but I live in Irvine.  I don’t want the cops to come.

Maybe I should just work on growing some cohones. (koh-HOH-ness)

I know I said I was gonna write a
year in review, but I think I kinda just did.  I mean… those are
kinda only two things I consider noteworthy about my  life in
2004.  PCN Skit… and CnC’s.  Ta-da.

Oh, and also… don’t send your kids to Catholic School… sometimes they don’t come out so well-adjusted.

Thus ends our 600th chapter of, “Earl, How Whack Thout Art…How Whack.”