I’m sitting alone in my room again… it’s 4:12AM. I’m up because,
once again, I let a book keep me up later than can be considered
healthy. That’s the second time this week. Damn you
As I set the book down, I came to a realization: There’s nothing I’m
especially talented at. I’m good at some stuff, but not what I
would call talented. I say this because there’s a difference
between the two. Good is more of something you can work on.
You can practice the piano for hours a day, every day, for 30 years and
you’ll be good, but that doesn’t mean you’re talented. It just
means you’re good because you practice alot. Talent however…
talent’s inborn. Talent exists regardless of practice. I
believe that level of talent can ultimately determine how good you
could possibly get at something.
That’s what scares me. I’ve been alive for what, 24 years?
You’d think I would’ve already found something I have a real gift
for. Nah. Instead, I sit here, failing in an attempt to
battle my own mediocrity. I feel like I know so many people that
have already found their gift. Exempli gratia, “____’s and
amazing musician,” “Oh, I know _____, he/she’s a great writer,” “Have
you seen ______’s paintings? Insane.” Yup.
As you can see, I’m a bit unconfident when it comes to my skills… at
least anything right-brainy. I guess that’s why I dig
compliments, even though my infnite neurosis makes me think they’re all
lies. Best compliment I’ve received in a while: (on my guitar
“How do you do that?”
“Make is sound like you’re not playing guitar.”
Even then, I think I said something like, I’ve got a great guitar… which I do.
This leads me to question the path my future will take… where will my talent lie? Will I find it?
Maybe this bothers because I have this deep-seated need to be something more than ordinary.
Also.. I like to end my sentences in prepositions.
Also… i have more to say… but i’m sure you’re already tired of my
rambling, and it’s now 5:30am. I will finish…later.
EDIT: Yeah, I think I’m gonna attribute this entry to being up way to flippin’ late.